Monday, September 20, 2010

A Mom's Well-Being

My two daughters are teenagers. If you think I'm going crazy, you're right, but not for the obvious reasons. Instead, I find myself restless, with too much time on my hands and as much as I use to complain about all the housework I did, there's not so much to do now. There's no doubt about it, I’m feeling as if my life is about to change and it’s got me rethinking so many things.

Such as my role as a mother, which has changed and so have my little girls. First of all, they’re no longer little. They don't need me to tie their shoes, or comb their hair or hold their hands when they cross the street or any of the sweet things, like tucking them in at night or checking under the bed for monsters. But, unfortunately, I still need to.

Meanwhile, they've made it abundantly clear that they don't need me. They’ve yelled it from outside their bedrooms; they've taken turns telling me, that they can do it by themselves. They’ve declared themselves free of me, their imagined tormentor.

Funny, I never thought I was such a bad mother. I still don't. Truly, my husband and I have struggled like most parents, as we tried to make the right decisions. I thought I was the complete opposite of my own mother. I've even tried to be their friend, but they remind me that I’m their mother. And sometimes, they console me by patting me on the top of my head, and then gently scooting me off to bed, just as I use to do to them. Our roles have changed.

At first, all I could do was cry. Then, I got angry and I wanted to shout a few choice words, sprinkled with some unmentionables. I really wanted them to hurt, as they had hurt my feelings. I wanted them to know that life hadn’t been so easy; I just worked hard to make it appear easy. I wanted them to know that I slaved for the family and made sacrifices, so that our family could have things that I never had and wear nice clothes and go to places that I only dreamt of visiting. But the inner me, bit my lower lip and kept me silent.

Honestly, I’m happy that I caught myself. Because deep down, I know that had I spoken, I might’ve done irreparable harm to our family. I suppose I did, as my own mother had done, that is I kept my mouth shut. Just as her mother had done and her mother's-mother before her. And that's when I realized that I'm not supposed to get anything back from my daughters. They’ve already given so much to me.

I’ve loved and been loved unconditionally, and that’s it. The cycle of life, it's made me a better person and now, it's time for me to put that “person” into action. There's no doubt about it, I’m feeling as if my life is about to change, and it’s going to be something wonderful.

Stay tuned.

1 comment:

Hotpockets! said...

Awww that's nice. Made me tear up a bit.